Master List of Quicker Than/ Faster Than -Jokes

Here is a list of several of the best “Quicker than a..” or “Faster than a..” one-liners that I made up or found online. I was trying to come up with something funny for a Facebook comment about how quickly I would have kicked a romantic potential to the curb based on an action he had taken against a lady friend (installing password trackers on her computer), and had trouble finding very many good ones, so I decided to make my own list!

..quicker than your mother can unbutton her overalls.
..quicker than (celebrity) signing up for a (notorious topic celeb is linked with) convention.
..faster than a cheetah could pounce on a limping [political figure].
..faster than a speeding ticket.
..left faster than a man after hearing the pregnancy test results.
..disappeared faster than a [snack food] at a [diet program] meeting.
..faster than the wife can figure out a way to spend it.
..lost faster than an intern’s dignity at a cigar club meeting.
..gone faster than a (container of indigestion remedy/domesticated animal) in a (restaurant).
..faster than a new version of anything by Microsoft needing to be patched.
..gone faster than a toupee in a hurricane.
..disappeared faster than a watermelon in the hands of Gallagher.
..gone quicker than a cheesy poof in the hands of Cartman.
..vanished quicker than (one hit wonder)’s music career.
..sold out quicker than a rainbow-print shirt at an LBGT festival.
..faster than the babysitter’s boyfriend when the car pulls up.
..out quicker than [sports team] hopes at making it to the play-offs.

If you like these, please visit the updated list with any new entries on my new word-nerd hobby blog, Divvyry, here =)