“Sorry I Haven’t A Clue” Introduction Transcripts

Sorry I Haven’t A Clue is a pun- and wordplay-filled radio program on BBC Radio 4. Each show is hosted in a particular town around the UK and includes an introduction with trivia-based-jokes about the host town. The following are transcripts of those introductions..

Series 57, Episode 1
You join us this week on a visit to the history city of Warwick. When the Romans arrived in this area in AD 52, they discovered a stone-age tribe of cannibals. Following a short battle, a truce was called and the Legionnaire Tiberius was invited by the cannibals to discuss peace terms over a feast. However, he got cold feet so he sent them back.

The standardization of time measurement was defined by the horological synod of Warwick in 1206. The council of elders decided a year would be comprised of 365 units of 24 hours each, but couldn’t arrive at a name for this unit. After three weeks of lengthy debate, the synod members got fed up and decided to call it a day.

The electronics engineer Alexander Preston lived at Church Lane with his devoted wife and seven children. Preston achieved celebrity in 1972 when he developed the first energy-saving light bulb. Sadly, from then on he didn’t see much of his family.

The UK headquarters of the Feng Shui Society were established in Market Street, then Priory Road, then the other side of Priory Road, and then on Market Street again.

The University of Warwick mathematics professor Nigel Baxter wrote the definitive work on modern geometry. However, scandal arose on the campus when it was revealed that Baxter was conducting simultaneous affairs with a dozen women and was in a love dodecahedron.

Warwick and its historic buildings often feature in costume dramas such as Pride and Prejudice, Tom Jones, and Moll Flanders, which is why in Warwick today it is not unusual to see vaguely remembered characters from a bygone age. Let’s meet four of them — on my left, Barry Crier and Tony Hawks. And, on my right, Tim Brook-Taylor and Jeremy Hardy!

Series 57 Episode 2
You join us this week on a second visit to Warwick, where we’re guests of the Warwick Art center at the University of Warwick, conveniently located here in Coventry.

After her capture, Mary Queen of Scots was held at Coventry Castle. as a royal, Mary felt entitled to appropriate accommodation. Held in rooms which Mary first complained were too dark, Queen Elizabeth ordered bigger windows to be put in. Mary then complained that the rooms were damp, so Elizabeth ordered that larger fireplaces be built. Mary then complained that her bed was lumpy, so Elizabeth ordered that she be given a feather mattress. Mary then complained that her ceilings were too low.

Mary’s principle supporters were the McDonald clan, which, after her death, was torn apart by the Scottish reformation with father and son on opposing sides. Young McDonald was a staunch protestant and supporter of King James. But, as his father refused to renounce Catholicism, Old McDonald was burned as a heretic, thereatic, everywhere a tic tic.

In August 1642, the first skirmish between the Roundheads and Cavilers of the civil war took place at nearby Curdworth. There’s a display in the village hall of various relics including the first musket ball fired, which actually hit the church bell, started the English civil war, and won a goldfish at roundhead that died on the way home.

Warwick was the birthplace of the musical performer Billy Oliver. Generally regarded as the father of stand-up comedy, Billy’s laugh was said to be infectious. In 1918, he contracted Spanish Flu, told a joke over breakfast, and killed his entire family. Let’s meet the teams!

… More to be added as time permits. I have the audio for most shows between from present back to Series 56 and just need transcription =)

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