(feel free to add your own in the comments, no registration required)
I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.
It only leads to treble.
How clef-er.
I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.
These jokes always fall flat.
People just don’t measure up.
We just don’t have the staff for it.
Didn’t you get my note?
I’ve had to scale back.
It’ll just take a minuet.
There have been some minor setbacks.
This was a major development.
Pfff!
This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.
I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.
I think your G-string is a bit tight.
They’re not really my forte.
You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?
Hey — give it a rest, retard.
It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.
Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!
I think your valves need some oil.
Can’t you reed?
O-boe-y!
I have the weirdest tromboner right now.
Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?
Don’t use that tone with me.
I just jazzed my pants!
No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.
On a high note, however…
Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.
I got caught tambourine with the security settings.
You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.
Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!
I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.
Are you calling me a lyre?
We’ve really got to guitar act together.
Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.
I like how you conduct your business.
It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!
Well that was off-key.
She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!
The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.
Could you repeat that?
Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..
We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.
Tour three should do it.
This ring cymbalizes so much to me.
We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.
Blast it!
Keepin’ it trill, bro.
Do not open with a sharp instrument.
I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..
Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!
If you like this list, please visit any new additions at my new word-nerd blog, Divvyry, here.
the ablestmage press 
Some of those were inappropriate for minors
But aren’t the majors the ones who get the deciding vote? =P
Wiz Khalifa’s new hit: Black and Cello
LOL, That’s funny
Oh that one was great
That’s a major problem…
Don’t the majors tend to be sharp staff?
These puns leave me treble-ing with laughter.
I, uhh, can’t seem to remember. Might you recall the coda for my padlock?
That’s just tuba-ad.
I can’t seem to remember, that’s tuba-d
I’m afraid we have to a-cymbol this ourselves
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I’ll be Bach !
Just a note, some of these fall a little flat, the key to this is to make sound all natural, so only the sharp people get it. I mean, play it low key, there’s no need to jazz it up TOO much. Some people can’t keep up with the tempo of all these jokes, after all music jokes aren’t everyone’s forte. Harping on and on about it can get people frustrated. Only use the fifth of all the jokes you can come up with, at all times.
((Oh my gosh, this was so hilarious. Count ’em all))
oboe u didnt. Could u clari-not
Reblogged this on Tulleuchen's Random Blog and commented:
Gotta love Musical Puns! This will last you a while! You’re welcome!
i knew you were treble when you walked in
LMFAOOOOOO
You’re so easily led that I’m sure you’d jump off a clef if your friends did it first.
You’re gonna get in treble so just wait a minuet before someone is tempted to jump off g-clef with them.
I would tuba honest~
Or stab yourself with a sharp blade. ;D
*Master Lizt of music puns
I do believe it’s spelt “Liszt”. I’m afraid you’re not very sharp.
Hold me, I’m a fermata.
Wow the TubOF us are really good (the two of us, tuba)
Not much of a pun, but still a funny pick up line….
Is your leading tone C#?, because I see this resolving to the D
life without music would b flat
im leaving this conversation at a low note
what did i say when someone asked whose million dollars it was?….. ” me me me me me me me me me ” thats my….. ” do do do do do do do do do ” and when i stubbed my finger….. ” fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa “
Why was the bass so low? Because somebody dropped it.
D-D-D-Drop the bass!
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I didn’t want my kids to join the student-led a’cappella group, I’ve never been a fan of unaccompanied minors.
Your under a rest. P.S. I’m a violinist and a little bit of a cellist
Breve-ity is the soul of wit.
it takes me a minuet to get into treble
Reblogged this on EarlGrey&Ink and commented:
This blog post is nothing but treble. I loved it so much I wanted to share it with any music nerds.
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Remember when singing, it’s better to call it A# than B flat.
If I hear any more about that bass there is going to be treble
Whenever I have a good hand, he a;ways plays his trump-et card.
i guit-ar rated movies! They’re so full of sax and violins!
Throw a piano down a mineshaft, and ill show you a flat minor
Not a pun but here goes nothing:
This cello isn’t the only big wood between my legs.
I play trombone. I can do it in seven positions.
hi
It took me a minuet to get a few of these.
it can be quite treblesome.
Violinists are high strung.
I just got hit on the head with a mallet, I think I might have a percussion!
ametur speller is moar liek it, nuuuurrrrrrddddddddddd!!!!! =P
VI-HOLA/CELLO,
This is CLEF-ER, yet S-TUBA-D. I mean, these jokes really fall FLAT. Are you SCHUBERT that you want to say these in public? You wouldn’t want to embarrBRASS yourself. These puns have so many FLUTES, you may be under arREST. Possibly for two WHOLE years, which is an imMESUREable amount of time. Keeping with the TONE, these joke just make me MU-SIC. And to end on a LOW NOTE, these jokes about SAX and VIOLINS are not very apropriate for MINORS, which is a MAJOR problem. These puns are FLAT out colder than the TEMPOrature.
VI-HOLA/CELLO,
This is CLEF-ER, yet S-TUBA-D. I mean, these jokes really fall FLAT. Are you SCHUBERT that you want to say these in public? You wouldn’t want to embarrBRASS yourself. These puns have so many FLUTES, you may be under arREST. Possibly for two WHOLE years, which is an imMESUREable amount of time. Keeping with the TONE, these joke just make me MU-SIC. And to end on a LOW NOTE, these jokes that CYMBOL-IZE SAX and VIOLINS are not very apropriate for MINORS, which is a MAJOR problem. These puns are FLAT out colder than the TEMPOrature. Please do NOTE make these jokes because they are not very SHARP. Just TRUM-PUT them back where they came FROM-ATA, and do NOTE let them out any time BA-SOON.
Thank you,
Claire-INET
*Just TRUM-PUT them BACH where they came FROM-ATA, and do NOTE let them BACH out anytime BA-SOON.
My boyfriend left, he said he’d be Bach soon, but I can’t Handel it any longer. I mean he kept harping on about how he needed a rest, but I thought he was just being crotchety. No matter what he says, he can’t just come and go of his own a-chord. I know it’s hard when you turn Forte and have to accept you’re no longer a minor, but he has to realise it’s a major development in his life. I’d like to C him again, it would B nice to know he’s ok. It’s been a hard interval in my life, though knowing him he’ll come waltzing back at some irregular time.
Music jokes are A minor discomfort for me.
Don’t fall off that sky lift or you will B-Flat
c’mon: jumping on the bandwagon, making a song & dance of it, blowing your own trumpet, drumming up interest, singing from the same sheet… surely.
Bach off
I’m too hot to handel
I’m a-shumann youre gone then
I have more franz than you
I aint get it. Imma re-read
Guitarists are so high-strung
Lazy guitarists making idle frets…
On a scale from one to ten my scales are always a 10.
Stupid OK why not do this
How did Noah get all of the animals on the ark (tubatu)
I sing with a chorus in Minnesota, where the sidewalks get pretty icy in winter. If you don’t C sharp, you’ll B flat.
me!!!!!!!!
Do you want to go to “Pizza”cato Hut tonight for dinner? Or maybe “Toccato” Bell?
Vivaldi other puns you could select, you choose this?
Listen to yourself. You sound so guitar-ded.
I think I might need a “rest”
I try to piccolo part of the conversation then drum up a new topic.
Just doesn’t ring a bell.
I guess you could say he/she was BARI sad about it
“Hey, I like your natural look.” “Thanks, you’re looking pretty sharp yourself!”
Accordion to a recent study, switching the words of a sentence with a musical instrument often go unnoticed.
Your Spanish “Accent” is just tubad.
I am a percussionist so I like to hit things with my food. my family thinks it’s rude, but my conducter says it’s music
I know it’s so cringe worthy but:
What instrument can swim?
The double Bass
Ha
You said i wanted abs? no sorry i meant a♭’s, 415 hertz baby
all of these puns are kind of low key
Thanks for all the punnies. Trombonist are paid on a sliding scale.
noteworthy staff
March into praise
let us band toget her and March into praise.
Do you want to play Haydn seek?
I got a big Chopin Listz to do.
U have a s-Mahler music knowledge then me 🙂
I will be right Bach.
It’s soprano-ingly funny
I didn’t go to the treble of reading all of these. Is it just me or did someone turn down the tempo-rutare on the thermostat. I think we should try to encourage youth to play instruments more octave-ly
My would B-flat. Without you
When notes don’t flow well, they get put behind bars. Their alto-nate decision is to roll them off flat clefs and hope they land on sharp objects
where did i put my chopin liszt
With all these puns, sol fa sol good.
Did you hear about the constipated composer? Couldn’t finish the movement.
Be careful not to hit a note too sharp. It could puncture and go flat.
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Ugh, I’m going into Haydn after reading this list…