Master List of Music Puns, “Not Your Forte” Etc

(feel free to add your own in the comments, no registration required)

I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.

It only leads to treble.

How clef-er.

I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.

These jokes always fall flat.

People just don’t measure up.

We just don’t have the staff for it.

Didn’t you get my note?

I’ve had to scale back.

It’ll just take a minuet.

There have been some minor setbacks.

This was a major development.


This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.

I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.

I think your G-string is a bit tight.

They’re not really my forte.

You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?

Hey — give it a rest, retard.

It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.

Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!

I think your valves need some oil.

Can’t you reed?


I have the weirdest tromboner right now.

Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?

Don’t use that tone with me.

I just jazzed my pants!

No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.

On a high note, however…

Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.

I got caught tambourine with the security settings.

You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.

Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!

I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.

Are you calling me a lyre?

We’ve really got to guitar act together.

Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.

I like how you conduct your business.

It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!

Well that was off-key.

She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!

The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.

Could you repeat that?

Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..

We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.

Tour three should do it.

This ring cymbalizes so much to me.

We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.

Blast it!

Keepin’ it trill, bro.

Do not open with a sharp instrument.

I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..

Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!

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43 thoughts on “Master List of Music Puns, “Not Your Forte” Etc

  1. Pingback: An Ablestate of the Union Address for 2013 | the ablestmage press

  2. Just a note, some of these fall a little flat, the key to this is to make sound all natural, so only the sharp people get it. I mean, play it low key, there’s no need to jazz it up TOO much. Some people can’t keep up with the tempo of all these jokes, after all music jokes aren’t everyone’s forte. Harping on and on about it can get people frustrated. Only use the fifth of all the jokes you can come up with, at all times.
    ((Oh my gosh, this was so hilarious. Count ’em all))

  3. what did i say when someone asked whose million dollars it was?….. ” me me me me me me me me me ” thats my….. ” do do do do do do do do do ” and when i stubbed my finger….. ” fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa “

  4. Pingback: inter alia: Hey Richard Armitage, I think your G-string is a bit tight…” | Ancient Armitage

  5. I didn’t want my kids to join the student-led a’cappella group, I’ve never been a fan of unaccompanied minors.

  6. Pingback: List Of Country Music Puns

  7. I just got hit on the head with a mallet, I think I might have a percussion!

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