Official Ablestmage.com Boxxy Stance: DO NOT WANT

I’m not gonna just leave this right here, I’ve gotta say something. inb4troll

If you have randomly abstained from 4chan lately, specifically /b/, then you may not have been aware of a recent civil anonywar that has caused mods to initiate a blanket posting ban on the word Boxxy (came up for me as an error to the effect of, “Post about something else,” even when mentioning one’s distaste). I’m siding with the anti-boxxy revolt here, although technically I’m breaking the anony-oath by identifying myself as an anon. It’s better than had I dared to reveal the secret phrase to identify one anon to another, “do u liek mudkipz.” Oops.

A good historical account of the seemingly anti-meme can be found above, and after having seen one of the videos (one was enough), I can officially state that has squarely wedged herself into the terrifying position of my do-not-want list, which also includes Shakespeare and the over-replayed Christian tune (which is even worse when sung by well-meaning people who can’t sing), I Can Only Imagine.

I’ve tried to bring a rise of the Anti-Boxxy, the wonderous and magnificent Alona, without success. May the name of the Boxxy be forthwith accursed in this land. That, and Break.com’s stank flash video player which is like getting handed prepared soup in a wicker basket.

Cuddle & Coo Doll Comments Summary

After looking at the zillions of comments I’ve gotten from people in the past couple months of my video’s run, here’s a list of all suggestions submitted.

islam is the light
israel is the light (pronounced iz-RY-el)
ismaliz delight
a smile is delight
ichabod needs the mike
israel is the life
aslan is the light
we all look alike
is lamb on a kite
Hitler is the reich (and thus invoking Godwin’s Law)
e-slaw is delight
his mom is a dyke
a smile in the night
I.S.K.C.O.N. is the light
anyone got a light?
it’s not near the light
islam is alike
England is the light
Eggland is the light
if you’re not here tonight
is mom here tonight
islam has my knife
lives long in the night
is mom alright
which one is alike
slammin down the light (in an aussie accent)
it’s sunny delight
i glow in the night
it’s on israelite
is ron in the lake (aussie accent)
his law is the light
his long israelite
kiss mom goodnight

There also appears to be a big rift between many of the commenters:
1. many are perfectly capable to discern individual syllables from the sounds and make up nonsensical “ig-la-ig-de-like” translations, others understand how “islam is the light” might be heard by someone who doesn’t know any better but just find it to be incoherent murmurs,
2. more suggested comedically that the message is actually a garbled version of “the [insert sports team] rule,” (or some otherwise unlikely variation), others who reason that “ig-la-ig-de-like” doesn’t make any sense therefore it must be some other combination of real words,
3. a few muslim commenters revelling in the victory of islam over American capitalism,
4. yet still others will adamantly *insist* that there is a message present of some kind and that it is ultimately some act of corporate conspiracy to destroy the minds of children and demand its removal from the shelves or they may just have some kind of aneurysm right this very second and it is all your fault.

I am among the first group, and I am frankly baffled by the last group. Here are a few from that last bunch:

//
“This doll obviously says “Islam is the light.” I can’t believe people aren’t fighting to get this trash out of America!

Um hello ITS CLEAR AS DAY!!!!!

Look IDIOTS…the point is the doll is defintely saying something. The timber of the voice changes and their is a meter to it’s speech. It is no longer “cooing”. So what is FP toys trying to feed our kids? They could clear all this up by simply making it public. It’s obviously saying something and since FP is “politicaly correct” it probably IS saying Islam is the Light to garner support from the enlightened peoples of the world. (roll eyes)

It sure sounds like “Islam is the light” to me. Regardless of what it says, I don’t appreciate a toy manufacturer slipping something other than a “coo” in this doll. I don’t trust their message and their messing with the minds of our children!!

I bet some oil rich Musim @%&*!$# bribed Fisher Price just to get this out on the market!!! It’s to bad some Americans will sell there soul for a quick buck. And I wouldn’t buy one for a buck today even if I could sell it tomorrow for $1,000,000!!!! And anyone who buys one is supporting Terrorists! Think about it!!!!

official response is, “The only ‘word’ the doll is programmed to say is ‘mama’. all else is ‘cooing and gurgling”. asked her if she heard it herself. she said no. i told her that i had, and mama was not the only ‘words’ this doll said. i told her i will be boycotting fp/mattel products until they acknowledge the problem and make a public apology. whether they intended to produce this or not; it happened and they need to take responsibility for it.

I only have one thing to say: What in the hell is the reason for making these children’s toys to say things like I just heard. I am not deaf or hard of hearing. I will no longer shop at Target or any other store who carries these types of dolls or other toys that can send messages that parents should be giving their children. What happened to plain dolls that help little girls to learn to be good mommies? They went out in the the 60s. When I was young. We don’t need talking dolls at all.

Whether that is what it is saying or not, it is close enough to warrant concern on the part of any Christian. The doll will not be recalled for fear that it would offend the Islam community in the US. Christians have been offended and ridiculed for way too long now and I certainly do not want any child that I love and care for to have one of those dolls and, unless there is a formal apology, it will be a cold day hades before I purchase a F-P or Mattel product again.

What do you think it is saying? I hear it saying ‘Islam is the light’.
Obama, the secret muslim, is in cahoots with Fisher Price to brainwash America. This is a very sinister thing that has been uncovered.

//

Even still, I am thankful there are a few people with some sense out there:

//
I’m hearing “Ichabod needs the mike [microphone].” Either way, it’s just an example of apophenia. And not even a particularly good one; I’ve heard much better examples. Check out episode #105 of the Skeptoid podcast for some really uncanny examples made from only computer-generated sine waves. (BTW, I’m not associated with Skeptoid at all, I’m just a fan of it.)

Everyone is nuts!!!! it just sounds like baby talk…blah blah blah…People have way too much time on their hands.

This is the power of suggestion at work; it sounds like “Islam is the light” because that’s what we’ve been told to listen for. Fisher-Price has released the original (uncompressed) recording, and it’s clearly nonsensical baby talk.

Just go find the Chinese people that recorded and made this doll and you will have your answer. It probably really is something Chinese for “More American dollars for us!” XD

I rate you five stars for the way you present the video. It’s sounds like “Islam is the Light” to me, too. Of course, nobody really ever says “Islam is the Light” except this doll, so it’s hard to believe it’s a Muslim product. I think it’s supposed to be burbling like a baby, not saying anything. I have to admit, I would freak out if a doll I bought suddenly said something religious.

if i had listed to the doll without reading what it’s supposedly saying, i maybe would have just said that it was random mumbling but like you said, a case of suggestion, so i’m sitting here expecting it to say “islam is the light”

“ikluh eh da light” – That is what it sounds like to me. Sounds like babble…… What an amazing concept, a baby the babbles. Wonder if somebody put that in a doll. Hmmmmmm? How any of you hear Islam at all in the first word scares me. The doll clearly makes a keh sound in the first word. Unless somebody has changed it and not told me, and Webster, there is no “K” or keh sound in the word Islam

Im pretty sure that if you listen to it with the words Islam is the light going through your head then that is what you will hear.I have to admit,I couldnt make out anything other than an unclear voice saying Islam is the light.Somebody made the point about free speech,people have the right to suggest that Islam is the light.But,and its a BIG but,if as were meant to believe this is a crude attempt at brainwashing children then the disturbing thing isnt the words but their vessel.
//

However, there were a handful of people who took the opportunity to make light of the mess and post silly, funny, and smile-worthy remarks to lighten up the discussion:

//
It’s saying “I snort the nose, Lucifer! Banana! Banana!”

I want a Bud Light.

Afternoon delight. The doll is obviously a fan of “The Starland Vocal Band”

“Staaaaay in school! Bruuuush your teeth!”

Too bad it’s not uttering stock tips.

It also says: “Americans are paranoid !!”

“obama is white”

“e-slaw is delight” I’ve never tried e-slaw, but I did have an e-hotdog once.

it said “anyone got a light?” cus it’s a cool smoking baby

I just got done taking a shower! i just watched ur video while im naked! lol xD w

it says Estrella delight! 50 % Less Fat!

//

One final goofy commenter is while I’ll close with, which gave me a good chuckle it was so random:

igla is delight. This dates back to the original doll series back during the time of hedges which was shortly before the wheel. Igla was a shrewd fellow who enjoyed fig daltons (later becoming the infamous fig Newton) but spent quite a many nights with a fake friend dollumnaum. After many years of mispronouncing this fake creatures name, he decided to cut it short and just call it doll. Many years later….awe crumb..I’ve dropped my fudge.

I’m done.

Innocent Bug-Bombing of BBQ Grill Reveals Bee-Tropolis

Bee-tacular! Bee-Trocity! Believe me, I had a few words to emote when I saw this series of photographs.

So some dude in Australia is doing his routine summer maintenance, hears some buzzing under a tarp covering his BBQ grill and sprays a bug bomb under it to kill anything nesting up under there. Easy done, right? Yowza!

Turns out the forum poster isn’t the one who did it, but it’s actually an email forward going around and the guy simply posted the photos and text from the e-mail. There has been a big outcry in Oz about the incident, and they did eventually find the gentleman and he was interviewed.

In case the photos have been taken down or the server gets its sweetrolls beaten out of it, I’ve taken the liberty to backing up the high-quality photographs here, and included the text along with it.

Incidentally, I also made a YouTube version, although not as good as seeing the giant pictures:

Debunking Common Truths: Religion Creates War

“Let’s disregard religion as a legitimate pursuit — just think of how many wars were fought because of it!”

This may seem like a valid argument, but almost exclusively in an anti-religious context. Taking a step back, it’s actually an overgeneralizaiton of the causes for war: wars were also almost completely fought over land ownership, money, non-religious purposes and beliefs (like pride).. and even things like simply bad attitudes or refusal to accept a compromised peace. Even more generalized, all wars were fought by mankind. So let’s just kickban mankind, no?

The truth is that there are an excessive number of variables that may collectively play into reasons to pursue war, and religion has been blamed near-excusively by anti-religion proponents by simply noting that it was one of many variables and is therefore discreditable. This approach abstains from genuine research into the actually terms waged among wars, which religions in particular are to be discredited, and performing any sort of genuine analysis for avoiding war.

This idea is also a decent example of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, by discarding all religions based on the actions of a few who claim to represent a single religion. While I would caution one to not throw out the baby with the bathwater, I would also suggest that one not refrain from throwing out bathwater for fear of throwing out babies. Investigating the actual teachings of a particular religion from the perspective of a proponent (difficult to determine, perhaps) instead of leading outspoken critics of it may be of utmost priority in order to be considered even lightly credible.

What I find especially paradoxical about the over-use of this particular accusation is that the speakers of religion are often also considered to be liars or speakers of falsity — but the moment they proclaim what religion they represent, they speak the undeniable truth. No doubt, at all, seems to fall upon whether the proclaimer of militant Islam belief or outspoken Christian activism is actually who they claim to be, and yet at the same time are regarded as uneducated and lie-bellowing sociopaths.

One aspect that might be suggested of bearers of the “religion creates war” philosophy may be a more simple and broader perspective that, under the guise of probability, the actions of a few in one group represent the actions of all the others in that group — regardless of whether the fact remains they are spokespersons for that group or not. The outright failure to research and further determine whether the entire group shares that belief, makes such a leap of reasoning a serious discredit to the speaker of such assertions.

Debunking Forwards: Columbo Scratching His Head

I’ve been sent yet another bizarre forward by the usual sources — the “underground” truth factory that insists that the media will not cover issues that desperately need covering. The reason they’re not covered.. is that it’s not even a story worth mentioning. Get over yourself already!

The latest epiphany is that a bunch of Obama’s transcripts and such are “not available” and “not released,” and that “the American people” are supposedly in adamant demand for such information be made available right this very second —


1. Occidental College records — Not released
2. Columbia College records — Not released
3. Columbia Thesis paper — ‘not available’
4. Harvard College records — Not released
5. Selective Service Registration — Not released
6. Medical records — Not released
7. Illinois State Senate schedule — ‘not available’
8. Law practice client list — Not released
9. Certified Copy of original Birth certificate — Not released
10. Embossed, signed paper Certification of Live Birth — Not released
11. Harvard Law Review articles published — None
12. University of Chicago scholarly articles — None
13. Your Record of baptism– Not released or ‘not available’
14. Your Illinois State Senate records–‘not available’

Okay, so, tell me how exactly #1-7 applies to anything regarding Obama’s elligibility for presidential election. That’s an entire HALF of the items on the 14-item list that have nothing to do with anything, meaning that you’ve got your undershorts in bunches over nonsensical misgivings that hey, someone might just want some privacy, and as an American citizen who has not yet been elected president, I think he may retain that right. Because you, as a voter who will be responsible for making a decision of whether he gets in or not, should be held to an even higher scruitiny about whether you are actually sane enough to make that kind of judgment call.

Oh wait, you get to exercise that right by simply being a citizen. My bad. While we’re at it, let’s review the necessary presidential elligibility — 35 years old, natural born (meaning that someone born out of country can still be elected if his/her parents were citizens at the time), and have lived here at least 14 years. I’m pretty sure those check out. As for the others on the list —

#14 – What do you mean, the Illinois State Senate records are not available? You mean that you didn’t want to actually go thru the paperwork to get them, or that they’re just mysteriously absent from all knowledge? I’m sure there’s an Illinois version of C-Span that has those details. I’m very skeptical that those would be hard to find. We’re not counting web 404’s, are we?

#13 – If you were a Christian and actually concerned with whether Obama is a Christian, his baptism record is not proof — and as a Christian, you would know that. A baptism record is one of many possible public signs to that one church he goes to that he trusts Christ as his righteousness in place of his own before the gavel of YHWH’s throne. Asking for a baptism record as proof is like criticizing someone for being good enough for heaven — totally missing the point.

#12 & 11 – So you’re getting upset that he hasn’t published any scholarly articles? How is that even remotely a point worth even bringing up? I’m sure he hasn’t written any scholarly articles for the Times Record News, but you don’t see me forwarding propaganda across the nation yakking about it. Big freakin’ deal.

#9 & 10 – Practically the same thing. #10 is not necessary in the least if you’ve already got #9. Pretty necessary, but I’m so beyond certain that this information is well known enough that just because you, John Q. Citizen can’t get ahold of any other random person’s birth certificate either is a sign that you really have no idea what you’re even going on about.

#8 – – Law practice client list. Umm.. what? I think you’d be pretty hard pressed to find very many law firms who would be willing to release client lists. I think that’d be a privacy issue with the clients themselves, not with the practice.

So there you have it. America is concerned with maybe one of these things, Columbo. Any by the way, you’re fired.

Debunking Forwards: Bird Feeder Syndrome

I received the following forward from a good-intentioned relative, but had to overtly disagree with its message. The article seems to rationalize a form of racism (nationalism, perhaps) whereby an absolute trait is labeled upon the entirety of a people-group based on speculation and rumor, perhaps in response to a perceived amount of injustice incurred by the presence of such people:

As usual, Maxine gets it right…
The Bird Feeder Syndrome – A Survival Thought For The Day

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ..everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be…. quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let’s see.

Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one’ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Our own’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop!

Firstly.. (a) Immgrants are not birds. There should not exist the perception that, by contrast, legal citizens are on an intellectual level of homeowners while immigrants possess the limited capacity of air fowl. That’s just terrible. It might not have been what she meant, but it’s pushing the boundary on outrightly stating it. (b) Maxine fails to put herself in their shoes. Imagine if the country you came from became so stank that you decided to actually move your family out of it, and into an country that offered nice surroundings but in which existed a people that spoke a language different than yours. Would you not, at first at least, take kindly to offerings of quality and genuine support so that you could get on your feet? Would it not be a temptation, as a person (regardless of where you came from) to perhaps rely on that support longer than was presumed socially permissible? I’m not asking if you would, but wouldn’t the very idea at least occur in your mind that, hmm, perhaps I might be able to? Do you not know actual citizens of this country that would jump onto that if it were offered to them? I know dozens who would snatch it up if offered. Could some of this resentment toward immigrants who are offered this assistance actually be a bit of avarice you possess, that you yourself “deserve it more than someone else” in regard to those benefits?

Secondly, Maxine (the person putting out the birdfeeder) epic-failed on a few key aspects, in terms of the story itself and not drawing any particular metaphors: (a) She didn’t have any idea what birds actually were. Birds CAN get noisy and may very well fight, especially over limted resources. (b) She blamed her overt lack of research on the birds themselves, rather than herself for not knowing this would happen. Instead of being irritated with her own decision to put the birdfeeder out, she projected the irritation onto the birds themselves, who were just being what birds are and have always been since birdfeeders were even around. (c) The birds may not actually possess the capacity to realize that she is the person supplying the feed, whereas she may simply be a large competitor for the feed itself, much less knowing how out-of-pocket economics work to realize it is a sacrifice for you to do this. The anger here is a transition from a long-held belief aligning itself with the facts of reality, and isn’t at all a fault of the birds themselves. The biggest factor is her self-sustained deception that birds were not what they actually were. Instead of treating it as a learning experience, she has now over-encumbered herself with a severe distaste for birds, and sits pridefully on her porch in the self-reinforced notion that she had been right all along.

Pass the shovel, fellow citizen. I’ll do the gruntwork of humanitarian aid if your butler says you’ve got other appointments for today! Puh!

Epic Journalism Fail: Klingon “knife” confiscated

Oh dear. A very terrible report emerges of a “knife” that was “believed to be” a Trek replica that was confiscated in a British “knife amnesty” (where the public voluntarily turns over banned weapons without criminal charges), and not anywhere in the entire article is any mention that the item is a BAT’LETH. It’s not a knife, really; it’s not even really a sword, per se. The writer couldn’t, just maybe, have asked ONE SINGLE TREK NERD anywhere, what the device was called? OH COME ON!

Lethal Star Trek blade seized in knives amnesty