Dopey Asexuals Who Don’t Watch House Create Really Stupid Petition

I am an asexual (or Gray-A, if you want to get down to it, which is even more relevant). I am a virgin and I plan to keep it that way for the forseeable, regardless of whether my peers find that weird. Well-I’ll-just-be-weird-then.

Several possibly-retarded asexuals out there in Intarwebbia have begun a disturbingly dopey petition to the “Vice President of Broadcast Operations” (what?) about an episode of the program House that involved two asexuals who were Gray-A, saying that the “portrayal” of asexuals was false/wrong/bad/herpderp. The petition states:

The House episode “Better Half” which aired on January 23, 2012, represented asexuality very poorly by attributing it to both medical illness and deception. The episode encourages viewers to meet asexuality with skepticism rather than acceptance, to probe asexual people for causes of our “condition” rather than to accept us as a part of the natural spectrum of human sexual diversity. This misinformation could have severe negative consequences on asexual people around the world, especially youth, who are struggling to come to terms with themselves and find acceptance. We ask the executive producers of House and the executives at Fox to reconsider portrayals of asexual characters and engage the community to find narratives that are appropriate depictions of asexual people and relationships.

As an asexual (and therefore having a credible opinion), I declare these ignoramuses to be mentally incompetent for the responsibility of tying their own shoes. House is not a documentary about medical cases, by which sound advice may be procured! Any assertion of actual medicine practiced on House can taken as authentic medical accuracy with as much confidence as one might have in the expectation of a job well done upon assigning a giraffe to organize the Republican National Convention using only coconuts, in groups of three, in Swahili.. yesterday.

It’s a fictional show (FICTIONAL!) about a doctor who has the bedside manner of nutrient-deprived cougar loosed inside a closed room filled ankle-deep with jackrabbits, who deals with patients of varying maladies with a blunt-coldness that is funny mostly to I’m-sorry-my-brilliant-joke-offended-you-/sarcasm kind of people. Did you see that fictional bit? Was that fictional portion unclear?

What we have here is actually a case of a strange demographic of hyper-political people, who insist that “characters who have a unique trait” are not, ever, merely characters in a fictitious story that appears on their TV screens — heavens no! — but instead are actually spokespeople and/or official ambassadors of all people of the world who posses a vaguely-similar idiosyncrasy.

His Noodly Goodness forbid, that fictional characters be >> in a completely made-up story, about totally made-up individuals, that exhibit a trait that a small swath of actual citizens also possess << THEIR OWN PERSON, instead of some kind of stereotype or representative of those trait-holders across the globe.

The people who wrote up this petition and those who signed it are painting on their foreheads a giant L in that kind of permanent black marker that is smelly to High Hrothgar as soon as you pull the cap off.

Further, the people upon whom this supposedly unfair stereotype might be pressed — the kind of person that makes general presumptions about the authenticity of maladies by watching dark comedies involving a doctor with a fake accent — are also retarded if they actually do add this supposed stereotype to their portfolio of other such mass-assertions regarding a people-group they’ve never encountered as dictated to them by the bountiful wisdom of overtly untrue television programs.

4 thoughts on “Dopey Asexuals Who Don’t Watch House Create Really Stupid Petition

  1. Being asexual doesn’t make your argument automatically valid. Just like if a gay person said that gays cannot be Christian, it doesn’t make them the voice of authority on the matter. This is an opinion article, not a factual one. Different people are offended by different things, and to be honest, I think the petitioners have a point. The episode did encourage the belief that asexuality is caused by a medical issue. If a fictional show presented a scenario that encourage rape, would you tell people that it doesn’t matter? No. Because it’s offensive. And to some people, so is this. Don’t sign the petition if you don’t want to, but being rude about it is not a healthy way to let your disinterest be known.

    • Being rude is relative. I would rather have encountered a rude person, than having been made nice to for the sake of being nice. It would be up to the outwardly-imperceptible standards of the listener to determine rudeness.

      My argument that these petition-signing asexuals are idiots is *credible* in the same way that it’s okay for blacks to call each other black slurs.

  2. If you think being asexual is “normal” you are wrong, it isn’t. The fact that you don’t have the need or want to have sex is “abnormal” statistically. There wouldn’t be a doctor alive that wouldn’t try to remedy it once told. But, thats not to say that it isn’t within “sexual rainbow” or I think you used “spectrum.” It certainly is. Just as sexual addictiction, rape and pedophilia are. Not to mention scatplay and beastiality. Think of every disgusting sexual thing you can think of, which for a “grey-A” might be a lot ot a little, I don’t know. They are all in the so-called sex rainbow.

    While I, myself, think some of those sexual activities (above) are not anyones fault. Most judicial courts will throw you in jail for the rest of your life if you act upon them. I think most Grey-As would think they should be in jail as well.

    Which brings me to my point. Asexuality is abnormal and should be tried to be “cured” as it could be something physically wrong. Once righted, it would open your life to something a lot of people think is pretty damn wonderful. You shouldn’t be angry with people that instinctually try to help you if you haphazardly reveal your sexuality to them. You included them, don’t try to control their thoughts or actions.

    I guess my point is, if I have one at all, that Gray-As are probably guilty of judging others for thinking differently than themselves.

    I think in as little as 100 years most crimes will be aboloshed as they are just inescapable reactions to body chemistry and psychological environment. Prisons will turn into determent camps with medical wings to take the “evil” out of you.

    Do we really have free will? Or is it just a complex bunch of variables that control our actions? I know this wasn’t the author’s point of his essay…sorry.

  3. Well my ex was asexual, but I really think that the fact she was molested when was 4 caused that, it would have probably been better for her to seek therapy than lay on her stomach and be like “welp that’s that”.
    Sorry but human biology being what it is (live long enough to mate and pass your genes), lack of attraction to mating means that something fucked up along the way.

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