#reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend Enrages Ninnies Worldwide

The big Twitter hashtag bringing out the big frowny sourpuss in the world’s sweethearts lately is #reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend.

I’m a dude, and I think it’s funny.

Domestic violence is not funny, but this joke is not about domestic violence. It’s not about creating rationalizations to beat your girlfriend. It’s not about attempting to turn a serious topic into a lightheated joke. It’s not even about beating anyone. It’s as serious as character Ralph Kramden’s The Honeymooners line, “Pow! Zing! Right in the kisser! One of these days Alice, straight to the Moon!” It’s an empty threat, and made in humor. If you can’t see the humor in it, then just go to your room for a time out until you calm down.

The hashtag is “reasons” not “ways in which it would be acceptable to”.. People generally do most everything for a reason, and being a “reason” doesn’t justify it. Reasons to go shopping, reasons to check your e-mail, reasons to take up the oboe, reasons to beat your girlfriend.. not all of the reasons provided must necessarily all be bad or good. I wonder what the ratio of jokes vs “EW! NO” type tweets actually would be, if all of them were amassed purely from guys. I imagine it would be overwhelmingly low compared to the tweetresses whose ear-steam will not soon fizzle from bizarrely misplaced outrage.

The outrage itself is fairly entertaining. It is entertaining to see so many of the sistren get spitting, foaming, bat-shart crazy in absolute refusal to see the light of it, and take the complete, utter and infinitely obvious emptiness of the supposed “threat” as a call to all women of the world to heft up the banner of rising against male oppression, while the rest of us furrow brow and mutter between slices of pizza, “Uh.. What are you doing?” and wonder how exactly we would beat anyone with the remote shaped like a TNG phaser in one hand and a piece of pizza in the other. Maybe we could bend over from our Lay-Z-Boy and pick up a shoe with our inward-bent wrists and schlumpf it over at her while she sinks further down into the warm cushions of her Hay-Z-Worldview.

I’ve run through pages and pages of the stuff, and I’d estimate about 98% of them are people simply stating “I can’t believe this is trending” and reposting the hashtag and little else. I’m all the way back to July 31st, 2011 and it’s still just loaded with “unbelievable” tags and wonderment and very little actual content. It’s as if Tweeters fail to fundamentally strike>misunderstand their own reposting of the tag with their own amazement is what makes it so popular.

I’ve lately tried just searching with several exclude variables, such as #reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend until:2011-08-01 -trending -believe -never -promote -none -rihanna -chrisbrown -brown -stupid -domestic -violence -tt in search of some original context.

And so then, instead of being all white-knight about it, some of us Devil’s Advocate sorts have taken the helm to properly sort this phenomenon into its proper place, by making fun of it — properly:

@_Snape_ – If you can list #reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend, then you don’t deserve one. Unless you’re dating Dolores Umbridge. Then it’s ok.

…referring to a notoriously authoritarian woman character from the Harry Potter series, who is generally hated by everyone, ever.

ablestmage – Grgllglrlgllrgl ~~ MmmMMmm Stob hungry! Him see your girlfriend! OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM *urp*

…as if the tag were capitalized #ReasonStobEatYourGirlfriend, and Stob were some woman-consuming fairy tale monster who gobbled your gal.

…and there were dozens about “beating” your girlfriend at a game, like charades or “who loves you the most.”

I’ve got several honorable mentions for people who have figured it all out, including ladies who suspect the crazies are taking this way further than its exposure would have gotten without umpty freaking kabillion people saying how much they think it’s terrible. More to come, and updated below if any.

3 thoughts on “#reasonstobeatyourgirlfriend Enrages Ninnies Worldwide

  1. You sound shovenistic and rediculous! This is an absolute disgrase to men in saying that you find it at all humorous. We are in a different time that Ralph Kramden, and this should NOT be taken lighly. . . Lets think now if the tables were turned… perhaps create a hashtag #reasonswhylorenabobbitwasright!

    • Create one, and we’ll take it as a joke that it is — because we take jokes. We may even propagate it ourselves without our own funny versions. You may live in a different time, perhaps. And whoop-de-doo, we’re a disgrace to a handful of lower lip poochers-outs who lack the capacity to discern truth from fiction =) This video’s for you >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVFBK9GhS5Q

      And also, my inner Squiptipadoogleboinkafloppist is screaming that select words from your retort are spelled chauvinistic, ridiculous, disgrace, than, and Let’s.

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